The world ending would have meant that I was to my final destination, in Heaven praising and worshiping my God. But, alas, it did not. I am still praising and worshiping Him, but I still have to deal with the disappointments and realities.
This year has been the year of growth for me. I started off the year in a good place. Diving head first into my church with a new membership with the Limestone Community Church of the Nazarene, joining the choir and praise team, and starting a streak of attendance I can only smile about.
Then in March, after 10 years of employment, I left my job and took a leap of faith that God DESPERATELY wanted me out of that job, away from the people there (coworkers and "clients") and He did everything He could to make me realize I just needed to trust Him. I did, I took the leap, scary and all. I thought I would have had a panic attack, and I didn't. Instead the door to more exciting and rewarding opportunity opened up.
April must not have had much on the agenda because I don't remember much of what happened. May on the other hand, that was a month I could have done without. I lost two people in my life, only days apart, that by all means were gone WAY too early. The first was my best friend from high school's sister. The day before her birthday, Gina was taken home to be with her Savior.
Only one day later did I find out that a former neighbor of mine had passed away in her sleep. She was a mother of 4 and MY AGE!!! She was the one that was here when we brought the twins home. She was also the one that was here when we went through the loss of our son Tyson. She was also the first friend I got to tell I was pregnant!! The memories of our talks are all good ones and I pray her children never forget the wonderful person she was.
Also in May, I was faced with a mother's, more like any parents, worst nightmare. I won't go into too much detail as we have dealt with the issue and believe we have handled it in the best manner possible. But all three of these events happened DAYS within me leaving for the mission trip with my church. I could not believe how under attack I was by satan. I was not going to cave. I could not cave.
Finally June arrived and I went on the mission trip. It was the most amazing experience I have had in a while. I was able to do some hard work for some good people. I discovered there really is a world outside Illinois. I also learned EXACTLY how to annoy our Youth Pastor Mike Pierson, and I successfully did so....a lot!!! It was also a first for me, a first away from all of my children for more than one night.
I had some pretty amazing people that helped me to cope with that, and even more amazing people that realized when I needed a moment because I was missing my kids. All in all it was a great trip with great growth and awesome experiences!! Oh, and the end of ANY kind of love of Sloppy Joes.
Once back in the boring old state of Illinois, I gained a new confidence about myself and started on my weight loss journey. With a complete new understanding of who I was on the inside, I now wanted to make myself feel that good on the outside. I had no idea where that would take me.
Now down 50 pounds, I see a new, stronger, more confident person who is ready to tackle the world with a vengence. I have SO many things I want to do now that I held myself back from before. Now...how to get started on them all???
Well, I jumped a little there, but August brought a new journey for me also. I started BOTH of my little ones in preschool. Something I swore I wouldn't do. But God put the opportunity before me and I could not ignore His command. I bawled like a baby the night before. I could not believe my girls were big enough to start an adventure in this world without me. I still cannot believe it. They are learning songs I have not taught them, hearing stories I have not read to them, and they LOVE it!!
Of course there have been illnesses along the way and other things to deal with. But there has been an internal battle with me. A battle I have been fighting for years. A battle that I now know how to conquer. A battle that the answer came straight from God as to how to deal with it. I now have the right mind set to start on this adventure, and an adventure it will be.
I am older, wiser (somewhat), have lived quite a hectic life, but the main thing I have never done is find out what makes me happy. What makes me tick? What makes Angi smile at the end of the day? I have always worried about making others smile that I tend to neglect that. I always have my kids best interest in mind and usually sacrifice a lot to make sure they are happy. What parent doesn't!!
But in the whole 25.....ok 36 years of my life, I have never really taken time to figure out what it is I want in life. I have had so many hurdles, road blocks, detours along the way of what I "thought" my life was going to be like. I never took time to just think. Well, after a long year of being in constant prayer with God I have realized what I need to do to continue growing. It may not be a popular choice, it may not be YOUR choice. But it is my life and I have to live it, not you.
I pray in 2013 my smile will return, my joy will be over flowing and the cheers keep coming. I pray that all of my friends defeat what ever battle they may be facing. I pray that through it all, you realize what is most important in your life and go full throttle towards that goal.
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