Recently I have been trying to figure out what my worth is. Am I worth spending time with? Am I worth respecting as a person/mother/wife/friend? Am I worth someones consideration?
Now we can break down the consideration part into a couple areas. Do they consider me when they have just received free tickets to an event and can invite one friend? Do they consider me when they are down and need someone to talk to? Do they consider me when they are in prayer? Do they consider me when they make the choices they do that might affect my life too? So many things to think about.
What I have thought lately is that I am worth something. I am worth waking up for, I am worth starting up a conversation with (I love to talk if you didn't know that already), I am worth getting to know, I am worth praying for. My worth may not be much for others, but when I consider how much God loves me, He has shown me that I am worth dying for.
Imagine that. I, me, Angi, was considered a long time ago and was thought of. Thought of enough and loved enough that I was worth going to a cross for. So, knowing that, why wouldn't anyone else consider me for the smaller things.
Consider loving me...I don't need you to die for me, Christ already did that. Consider suffering for me...not physical pain, but how about watching a chick flick or sitting through one of my rambling conversations. Consider my hunger...for food or conversation, I love both equally, especially when it is a conversation over a good steak!
When I consider my worth, what I have to give back also comes to mind. I have 4 kids and a house to take care of. That takes up a lot of my time. And now, I am looking to go back into the working field. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN I FIT A JOB IN MY DAY??? I have no idea, but discovering my worth has made me realize what I am worth to a company. I may not be worth much to my former employers, but I am a new person, a stronger person than I was then. I no longer need to have someone tell me who I am or where I measure up in this world. I know where I belong.
I love meeting new people and making new friends. I feel bad at the same time because I would love to devote a lot of myself to them to get to know them as well as I do my old friends. But, I do not have that kind of time. Plans usually get changed on a minute by minute basis. And I am NOT a fan of that. Of course, I do like to have plans, but I hate making them because they never usually get followed through with, not because I am lazy or don't like to do things, but because life happens, at every turn.
My worth is not based on how much these friends like or accept me either. I used to care about that. Now, I don't have time for it. Yes, my computer is logged on to Facebook a lot, not because I don't have a life, but because I have a nice, sturdy, non-cushioned chair right in front of my compter. Sure I have a couch and a recliner, but my back cannot take those. So, I sit in front of the computer.
I also don't watch much tv, I do have two shows I follow, Grey's Anatomy and Castle, but most of the time the tv is tuned into Nick Jr. or some sort of cartoon. I listen to music and read. Yep, I read a lot. Biorgraphies or Autobiographies are my favorite. I like real stories, not the made up kind. Why, because I do not feel the other is worth my time. (Ok, the picture I threw in here really doesn't have a lot to do with the blog, but it does have a character from Castle on it...so it works. Just go with it!!!)
There is that word worth again. So, in discovering MY worth, I had to identify exactly what was worth me keeping in my life. That may sound kind of harsh, but it is a reality some never face. So they stretch themselves trying everything and never finding anything. I have come to decide on what is my core worth. That is what I stick to.
I no longer take offense if someone decides they don't like me as a friend or decide I am no longer worth talking to. I have learned that there are MANY other people in this world and they are NOT the last people on the face of the earth. You don't like me, ok, great, move on...no more wasted energy in figuring out why. I do not care why. It does nothing for my feeling of self worth to care.
If you ARE in my life and feel like I am worthy of your attention, then you better keep mine. I no longer will change me to fit your life. I have a life planned out for me by God, He is leading my steps and I no longer ask why someone has left. Everyday I am shown many times through the day exactly how much I am worth to God. And I am loving every second of it.
Maybe if you want to be in my life, you need to be as concentrated on His path for you as I am. The path is not easy, it is not smooth, it is not lined with beautiful flowers that are always in bloom. This path has many rocks and many detours. But the path to my worth has such a great ending, and it is the same ending that is out there for everyone else too. It isn't just my ending, but one that was offered to all of us a long time ago, if we just chose it.
If you need to find your worth, start where I did....with Jesus. He never fails!
No comments:
Post a Comment