In life, we learn a lot of lessons. Some of them are that each person is different, in every way. Why do doctors tell you it will take 4-6 weeks to heal, because some heal quickly and others take longer. Does that mean that person A who broke his arm the exact same day as person B is wrong for healing quicker than his friend?
Who says how long it takes to heal from anything? Injuries, deaths, divorces, rapes, illnesses, muggings, shootings...they are all things that cause pain and suffering for people and they all require time to heal. So if each individual person is different, who is to say what the correct and exact statute to heal and move on is for each situation.
Death of a child...well, you should be ok to move on in 6 months because that is what so and so did. Well, I'm here to tell you, 6+ years later and I am not completely healed from the death of my son Tyson. Partly because of the circumstances surrounding his birth and potential adoption. MANY things were said, many feelings were hurt. But the truth behind that is that no one was inside my head at the time to know exactly what I was going through or feeling or experiencing. So, who is anyone to say, "You should be over that by now".
Divorce...I know many people who are divorced and some move on quickly while others are still stuck in the past. I also know others who HAVE moved on and are STILL stuck in the past. Do you wait to start dating again until the divorce is final? Six months later, a year later??? What is the correct amount of time. Or, did you mourn the relationship a long time ago and were just staying together for the kids and you are ready to go the second you set it in your head you are done dragging this dead horse around with you?
Were any of you involved in that relationship? Were any of you there behind closed doors? No, so who is to say what decisions that person makes is right wrong or other.
Mugging victims and rape victims are pretty similar. Your trust in a person, or walking down a street have been ripped from you. Your trust of anything good in the world is gone. Someone took something from you; your phone, your wallet, your purse, your innocence. All prized possessions that are stripped away by the greed and want of another person. AND, they aren't always a stranger. They could be a person you know, a person you trust.
I have never seen a doctor predict correctly the time it takes for a person to heal from an injury. My first c-section I was told I would be down for days in pain. Halfway through the first day I was itching to get up and clean my hospital room, straighten it up, take a walk through the hospital...SOMETHING!!! I couldn't stand being kept down. I didn't know that I was supposed to be in pain and laying in bed for a long time. I didn't know what it was like to have a surgery as I have been pretty blessed in my life to be remotely healthy (except for my ears).
My second one WAS a bit more painful. The reopening of a previous incision can never be easy. There is a delicate process of making sure the scar tissue that resulted from the first incision has not attached to another part of the body and it takes longer to heal once you get through it. And, once that incision has been closed up, it has more of a tendency to reopen as it was already damaged once. You have to take special care of yourself so you don't compound the problem and make new problems arise.
Could someone please make a chart for these kinds of things so I know what is socially acceptable with my life. I checked Google, Bing, Wikipeida and they got nothing!! I think if we all had a pocket chart we could refer to things might go better for everyone else involved. "Oh, hey Kevin...sorry to hear about your mom, how are you doing?" Checks pocket chart..."Well, it's been 6 months so I am over it now. Thanks for asking or I never would have checked my trusty chart and would still be wallowing in sorrow of losing the most important person in my life! Whew, what a lifesaver!!"
Kind of like life. We all suffer difficulties. Sometimes the first time you experience something, you have no idea how to react, so people TELL you what to expect or what they experienced and you think, well I didn't feel like that or have that problem so there must be something wrong with me. OR is it just that you are a different person than them and experience pain, suffering and healing differently than everyone else.
This would also apply for happy circumstances. What is the correct amount of time for someone to be happy after seeing their child succeed in life? What is the appropriate amount of time to rant and rave about a great movie you have seen? Yes, people make me laugh, and years later I recall the stupid thing they said or did that made me laugh and I laugh again like it just happened. Why is that wrong? Is it because you don't get it? You weren't meant to or you would have experienced that for yourself!
We all probably remember the first time we were let down by someone, hurt by someone or suffered physical pain beyond anything we ever had before. How and when you suffered those molds who you become and how you deal with things later in life. If you are born into disappointment, it is nothing for you to lose a job many times in your life. It's expected. If you were lucky enough to be spoiled, you react VERY differently to the same situation.
I don't need to spell out to everyone in my life every disappointment, let down, injury or thought I have ever had or experienced in my life to make anyone understand my decision and why I handle things differently than you do. I have a baby and I am ready to resume life as usual later that day. I get an ear infection, I want to stay in bed all day. A person says something to hurt me, I cut them out of my life. I find something I like, I dive head first in to find out all about it. Why? I don't know. I just like to learn new things and want to know as much as I can as fast as I can. Sometimes I learn that I don't really like them afterall, but at least now I know I don't like whatever it is.
So next time you see someone who has experienced something in their life, instead of judging what they have done or how they deal with it, just love them. Love them through whatever they have going on and revel in the fact that they are different and can appreciate things differently than you.
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