Those are a few statements I heard once it was made public that I was adopting not one, but two black children. I started out attempting to become a parent by natural means, but that was not what was planned out for me. I became a mother for the first time after I welcomed my almost 4-year-old twins into my life by way of adoption. I have also been blessed with two children I have given life to myself. All four of them are mine. Equally.
I didn't care how I became a mother, I just wanted to be a mom. I didn't care what my children looked like, where they came from, how old they were...you name it, it didn't really matter to me. What mattered was that they were mine and I would take that responsibility seriously.
I can almost remember the exact second I was told I was going to be a mother. At that exact moment, I wanted to throw up. I could not believe it was finally my turn to raise children! No, I did not think I could do it perfectly. No mother does! Of course I was not good enough to be their mother, they deserved so much better that anyone could ever give them. Why? Because they were my kids and I would never be happy settling for second best! No, my kids have never watched BET, they were only 4-years old back then and they don't watch much television as it is.
I was woken up to a world I never realized existed when the kids came home. I thought I was raising two small human beings. Small human beings that would some day be big human beings that needed to contribute to the world. My sisters also had small human beings that they were raising from birth, biological children, that only knew of life with them. My task was a bit harder, my small humans had another life before me. One of those sisters also has two humans she adopted from other countries and took on the responsibility of raising them.
Now let's break this down into political statistics for you. My sisters and I are white. One sister is married to a Mexican-American, one is married to a Filipino-American. To describe our children is something that I am extremely proud of. Our family covers a lot of the continents. It is literally a rainbow of skin colors when they are all together. And the truly amazing thing, it doesn't matter to a single one of them.
My 9-year old had given me a confirmation on how I was trying to raise my kids. I was sitting in my kitchen one day and my daughter had been out playing with the neighbor kids. Now, sidebar to this, this particular neighbor has one adopted child and two biological children. Anyway, in runs my daughter questioning me "Mom, Tyrece told me you stolded him!" Instantly, I wanted to laugh, but I needed her to explain her outburst a little better. "Tyrece told me he didn't grow in your belly, you stolded him from someone else. Didn't he grow in your belly?"
Wow! It never dawned on me that I never told her their adoption story. But, why would I have told her? She came after them! AND, she didn't see a difference between her and them, or them and me, or anyone for that matter! In her world, anyone could come from anywhere! I was so proud of her at that moment. My youngest was 4-years old at the time, the same age as the twins when they came home. She didn't notice a difference either!
I truly believe with all my heart that racial division is taught in the home. I have never looked at any of my kids and thought of them as anything but that. They are not "my black children" and "my white children". They fight with each other, they laugh with each other, they love each other just like my sisters and I did growing up. My youngest two have never had a problem with making friends, and they blend in wherever we go. They make friends with any nationality, religion, or gender of children all the time. The only requirement I have for them to make friends is that they introduce them to me and remember their names.
Does this mean I have failed at raising black children? Does this mean I have failed at raising ANY of my children?
I would like to share with you a few more inspiring quips I have heard through the years. "What if your son dates/marries a white girl?" (Oh lord, I don't want any of those in the family!) "What if your (biological) daughter marries a black man?" (Again...I don't want any of those in the family!!!) "You are definitely going to Heaven for adopting those kids!" (Hey everyone!!! Free ticket to Heaven, just adopt some black kids!! Quick, tell everyone!!!) "You don't know how to do their hair!" (Heck, I can hardly do my own hair most days!!) "You can't teach them about their history!" (Well, I don't believe in living in the past. Let's make our own history!"
My kids currently attend a local school that has a majority enrollment of white students. The twins attended a school from preschool through 8th grade that had a large black enrollment. I would love to let my two youngest go there, and they might after the twins graduate. I love the diversity of the classrooms. Today I read an article about some kids at a local private school that had sent some "racial" pictures through Snap Chat. That school's enrollment is a majority of white students. I literally wanted to cry when I saw the pictures that were sent between these "friends". I pray my kids are not subjected to this kind of treatment while at school, and I have been reassured by them that they are not treated this way at school. I am also praying my two youngest NEVER fall into a trap of following other students in this kind of behavior.
I do not know what kind of discipline the school handed down to these students. I hope it is not just a slap on the wrist. I pray the home these kids are raised in are given a once over to see if the problem stems from inequality taught there. This kind of behavior should not be tolerated. I am difficult to offend, and I am at a loss of words about this. I cried for the student it was aimed at. I cried for their parents. I cried for the other students that may now feel pinpointed or targeted because of these actions.
Every parent has something they would fight for when it comes to their children. I have met mother's that fight for better options for fatal diseases, mother's that have fought for equal opportunities for their disabled children and mother's that have fought for their kids to be able to afford an extra-curricular activities. The words in the pictures could be viewed as hatred towards a particular race. Wouldn't this be considered a hate crime? If they were part of the LGBT community there would be no question they were targeted. Why would this be any different?
I beg of the administrators, put your kids as the target of those pictures. Would you tolerate this? Make the punishment be heard throughout the county. This should not be tolerated here or anywhere. Don't be the judge that slaps the kids on the wrist and sends them home to learn their lesson. The real world will never be that nice once they graduate. Make them prepared for the future, isn't that what school is for anyway?
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