To the most important people in my life,
I will start off by telling you that it has been the greatest accomplishment of my life to be called mother. No matter how you made your appearance in my life, you gave me the one title I longed for and I thank you for that.
Now, you may think it crazy that I thank you when if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be in this family. But, I want you to know I am forever indebted to you and that you owe me nothing.
I want to talk to you about love. I thought I knew what love was. I thought I was in love. I thought I loved people. Until each and every one of you entered my life, I now know that I was so wrong on love. Sure, people say they never knew love until they held their child in their arms, and I do believe I was introduced to love at that point.
But I was taught the true meaning of unconditional love for a person and I was not sure how I would make out with that test. See, a lot of parents say they would die for their children to make sure they were safe. But, would you also love that child if they did one of the most despicable acts known to man? Would you love that child if they had a drug addiction? Would you love them if they hurt another one of your children? Think about that long and hard.
I do. I love each and every one of you, no matter what. You can never take away my love. No one else can ever make me not love you. I will support and help you through every battle, even if it is against me. I took responsibility for your lives, I will be there.
Do you ever notice how I stare at you from time to time? I am not trying to be annoying, but I am making a mental picture of what you look like at that moment. I realize how many small memories we have made have slipped through the cracks and I am trying not to lose all of them. I know I have probably gone overboard on you from time to time, good and bad, and I will not apologize for that. I was not given a book of instructions on each one of you. We have been learning each other from the day we met.
I hope you have gotten from me over the years that I will always be there for you. It may not be in a physical presence, but I have made sure we have pictures of us together. I have made sure when you have gone through certain milestones or trials my voice is one you hear with words to comfort, teach and grow with. I would hope that one day when I am gone, you still hear my voice and smile at the thought of "I bet Mom would have said this...".
A few things I want to put into words for you is that I hope you learn to love and trust. These are lessons I had learned through the years, mostly through trials and failures. I would love to shield you from the times people will let you down, but I cannot. I would love to shield you from the hurt that I have gone through, I would love to not see scars on your heart. But I also know that to truly learn to love, some scars need to be present. Know that I will be there with the biggest hug you need when these hurts happen. I will not let you go through it alone.
I never want to hear the words, "Where were you?" when you speak to me about a time you went through something difficult. I want to hear "Thanks for being there, Mom". And I hope when you someday have children of your own you love them as deeply as I do you.
I want you to know that I have made so many mistakes in my life. I was never perfect and I hope I never made you think you had to be also. We are all human, we will not succeed in everything we do. But, if you take your mistakes and learn from them, that will forever be seen as a success in my eyes. I hope I have been that example to you. Always fight for what you think is right, always stand your ground, always say what you mean, never fear what others may think, never forget to share a smile daily, be kind, be generous, be love.
I pray daily that I will make you proud to call me Mom at any point of your life. I pray daily that when you grow older I am the first one you call in times of celebration or sadness. I want to share all of your memories with you. I will NEVER be too involved in my own life to not take a moment for you.
We have been through so many things so far, I have tried to shield you from evil and failed. I have tried to block bad things from coming your way, but I was not strong enough to stop them. I thank you for holding on with me as we make our way through this life. Please don't ever let go of me. I will never let you go.
I have each curve of your faces memorized. You probably have thought I was weird, but I loved to hold you and smell your hair. I can tell each one of you by that now. I have spent hours studying you. How you hold a pen, different ways you walk or run, the look of concentration on your faces. I have spent hours in tears over you and for you. I pray when you find someone to love you do the same for them, either your own children or the person you chose to go through life with.
I truly feel that a lot of the pain and hurt I have gone through is so I can be strong for you when you feel you cannot go another step. The extent my heart has been hurt, lied to and deceived is something I pray you never have to experience. But if you find yourself there, we will get through it.
Trust is not an easy thing to gain or keep. It is broken quickly and rebuilt over an extended amount of time. Hold tight to the trust others have in you, do not break it!
You will NOT fall in love like they do in the movies, songs or books. Life does not have a script. No one will ever fit exactly into the shoes you want them to, and that is ok. They will have flaws, as do you. What you learn is how to live with and work with those differences and still want to be with them at the end of the day. Don't walk away from a fight, finish your thoughts and get it in the open. Words kept inside can kill a relationship, but also can kill who you are. And that goes for your friends as well.
Always look at things from someone else's perception before you decide what is right and wrong. Always stop to appreciate blooms on flowers, bugs in the dirt, animals behaving like animals and the wind on a hot summer day.
Most of all I want you to know that my life was not complete until you came into it. Each one completed me in a different way. There is no other person alive that could ever complete me because you all fill my heart every second of every day, there are no holes or gaps.
I love each and every one of you for just being you. That is all I have ever wanted and will be forever proud of you.
